Every coach has moments where a client’s goal doesn’t quite resonate.

Maybe it’s money. Maybe it’s popularity. Maybe it’s something that just doesn’t align with your personal values.

You might think, “Why does this even matter?” or feel resistance to coaching around it because it doesn’t align with your own drivers.

But here’s the truth - when a client’s desire feels foreign or unimportant to us, it’s not a signal to pull away. It’s an invitation to get curious.

Coaching Without Projection

As coaches, we have to remember that our personal beliefs and values can subtly shape how we respond to others. When we don’t hold value in what our client wants, we risk unconsciously minimising it - even if we’re trying to stay neutral.

The work begins with awareness.
Recognise your own inner dialogue, and instead of judging or disengaging, lean into compassionate curiosity.

Ask them:

• In what ways is this important to you?

• What could this goal represent beneath the surface?

• Is there something deeper that you might be trying to experience or feel?

When we stay genuinely interested in their meaning, not ours, we open a doorway to deeper transformation.

When Upper Limits Appear

Sometimes, what looks like a surface-level goal - more money, more visibility, a shiny new car - can actually be an upper limit moment.

An upper limit is the point where someone begins to subconsciously resist the next level of their own growth. They might pursue something they’ve learnt to believe equals success, even if it doesn’t feel authentic to them.

As a coach, your role is to gently explore whether this desire comes from true alignment or from conditioning.

You can do this by:

• Gaining interest in their ‘why’. Invite them to describe what achieving this goal would give them emotionally, not just materially.

• Listening with your eyes as well as your ears. Notice tension, posture shifts, or fixation in their body language - the body often reveals what the mind can’t yet articulate.

• Using powerful reflections. Mirror back both the content and the energy behind what they say. Sometimes, hearing their own words reflected clearly helps clients realise what feels “off.”

The Role of the Reticular Activating System (RAS)

Once the real meaning is clearer, help your client’s reticular activating system (RAS) work in their favour.

The RAS filters the world according to what we decide is important - it determines what we notice and what we ignore. When clients reframe what success means to them, we can guide their attention to see where they’re already achieving aspects of what they want.

For example:

• They might say they want popularity, but what they truly crave is connection.

• Or they might chase financial success when what they actually want is freedom.

Once they understand that distinction, they can start spotting signs that they already have access to that feeling - or know exactly how to create more of it. 

Getting to the Heart of It

When a client’s goal doesn’t feel aligned, resist the urge to tell them so. Instead, help them discover it.

Encourage them to explore:

• What does this thing - money, recognition, popularity - really mean to me?

• What would it give me that I don’t already have?

• Can I recognise moments where I already experience this, even in small ways?

As they explore, you may notice their energy shift. When they land on what’s true, there’s often a visible softening - a breath, a smile, or a sense of ease. That’s when you know they’ve touched something real.

Final Thoughts

Coaching someone through an upper limit isn’t about convincing them to change their goals. It’s about helping them clarify the meaning behind those goals - so they can pursue what’s truly aligned, not what they’ve been taught to value.

And for you as the coach, it’s an opportunity to practise the very heart of emotional intelligence: staying curious, attuned, and open, even when what matters to them doesn’t mirror what matters to you.

Because that’s where great coaching - and deep human understanding - really begins.