Written by Georgia Mahony

The word communication comes from the Latin communicare, meaning to share or make common.
 At its core, communication is about creating shared meaning.

When you communicate, you’re taking something internal:
a thought
a feeling
a perspective
an intention

and bringing it into a shared space where another person can meet it.

When that translation is clear, conversations feel easier and more connected.
When it isn’t, even small moments can feel uncomfortable or misunderstood.

We believe communication is a bridge between emotional intelligence, self-understanding, self-leadership, and meaningful connection.

This is why we teach a simple framework called OFNR.
It supports clear, authentic communication that honours your inner world and strengthens trust and understanding in relationships.

What Is OFNR?

OFNR is a communication framework drawn from Nonviolent Communication, developed by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. It turns everyday interactions into opportunities for clarity, empathy, and genuine connection.

OFNR stands for:

Observation
What did you see or hear, without judgement or interpretation?

Feelings
What emotional response arose for you?

Needs
What values or unmet needs sit beneath that feeling?

Requests
What clear, actionable request could support connection or resolution?

This framework invites you to slow down, tune into what matters, and speak with courage and compassion.

Why This Works

OFNR keeps the flow of communication factual, which reduces the likelihood of triggering defensiveness in the other person. When conversations stay grounded in observation rather than demands, this creates more space for mutual understanding and helps keep the other person’s listening part of the brain open. When feelings are named instead of acted out, understanding increases. When needs are clarified, the conversation gains direction. And when requests replace demands, curiosity and collaboration remain possible.

This results in more connection, less conflict, and a far greater chance of a constructive outcome for both of you.

OFNR invites reflection.
It helps you stay connected to yourself and the other person at the same time.

What Changes When You Communicate This Way

With regular use, OFNR supports:

• calmer conversations when emotions are heightened
• clearer self-expression without blame
• less anxiety and emotional overwhelm
• stronger trust in relationships
• more confidence asking for what you need
• greater sense of choice in how you respond
• improved nervous system regulation through clarity and honesty
• shorter conversations that are easier to navigate with no need for conflict resolution

It teaches you how to speak from what’s real.

OFNR vs Non-OFNR

OFNR helps you separate what’s actually happening from the story your brain adds on top.

When we skip these distinctions, conversations tend to trigger defensiveness, shutdown, or blame.

Observation vs Judgement

Observation is what you can literally see or hear (neutral, factual).

• “You arrived at 9:20.”
• “You didn’t reply to my message.”

Judgement is interpretation, blame, meaning.

• “You’re disrespectful.”
• “You don’t care.”

Why it matters: Judgement triggers defensiveness. Observation keeps the conversation open.

Feelings vs Faux Feelings

Feelings are actual emotions happening inside you.

• “I feel sad.”
• “I feel anxious.”
• “I feel hurt.”

Faux feelings are disguised judgement (usually about what someone else is doing).

• “I feel ignored.”
• “I feel judged.”
• “I feel disrespected.”

Why it matters: Faux feelings land like accusation. Real feelings create connection.

Needs vs Strategies

Needs are universal human drivers (what matters underneath).

They answer:
“What matters to me here?”
or
“What is missing?”

• connection, respect, safety, clarity, trust, support

Strategies are the specific way you want the need met.

• “I need you to text me back straight away.”
• “I need you to stop doing that.”

Why it matters: If you communicate the need, there are options. If you communicate the strategy, people resist.

Request vs Demand

A request is specific, doable, allows a real yes or no.

• “Would you be willing to put your phone away at dinner?”

A demand is a request with pressure, consequence, or control.

• “Put your phone away. This is ridiculous.”

Why it matters: Requests invite collaboration. Demands trigger defence or shutdown.

How To Use OFNR - Examples

In close relationships

Without OFNR (a common, understandable response):
“Why are you always on your phone at dinner? We never actually talk anymore.”

What’s happening here:
The message is honest, but it includes judgment. The delivery is likely to trigger defensiveness or shutdown.

With OFNR (clear and connected):
“I’ve noticed that we’re often on our phones during dinner. (Observation)
I feel a bit disconnected when that happens (Feeling) because spending time together matters to me. (Need)
Would you be open to putting your phone away while we eat so I feel more connected to you? (Request)”

What’s different:
The focus stays on what was noticed, how it felt, and what the need is. The request invites collaboration rather than resistance, making connection more likely. It also gives the receiver an opportunity to agree to the request.

At work or in everyday collaboration

Without OFNR:
“You’ve missed the deadline again. This is really frustrating.”

What’s happening here:
The frustration is real, but it’s expressed through judgement. This can quickly shift the conversation into defence rather than problem-solving.

With OFNR:
“I noticed the deadline passed and I didn’t hear from you. (Observation)
I feel concerned when I’m not kept up to date with deadlines that will be missed (Feeling) because it puts pressure on my workload and I need to factor that in. It is important to me that you are reliable and we work together as a team. (Need)
In future will you please give me advance warning if a deadline will be missed that could impact my work? (Request)`”

What’s different:
Responsibility stays with the speaker. The conversation remains focused on clarity, trust, and forward movement rather than fault.

Same situation.
Different energy.
Very different outcome.

OFNR is communication with awareness, responsibility, and compassion. It invites curiosity instead of judgement. Understanding instead of assumption. Connection instead of control.

At its core, OFNR supports one simple intention:
to express what you feel and what you need clearly, so you can be honest and get what you need, while keeping connection intact.

Think of a recent moment where communication didn’t land how you hoped.

What did you observe?
What were you feeling?
What did you need at that moment?
What would your request be now?

Asking these questions can change how the next conversation unfolds.