By Polly Berwick

Last year, I got asked a question in a coaching session (I was the client):
“What does happiness feel like?”

Not “what does happiness mean to you?” but “what does it feel like?”

I remember sitting there thinking "I haven’t got a clue". I realised I didn’t really know what happiness (or anything, really) felt like.

For most of my adult life, I hadn’t really allowed myself to feel my emotions. Everything just felt like it was constantly moving. The working, parenting, organising, rushing, and proving myself. Life had become a blur of work, family, responsibilities and rushing. I was just there for the ride. 

After the birth of my second son, the overwhelm only grew stronger. I was just about holding it together, but not really feeling much of anything.

A number of weeks into my Unaggi EQ Coaching Academy course, we covered a topic on dissociation. I’m not going to lie, it freaked me out because it resonated with me a bit too much. I too had been disconnected from my own emotions and sensations. It’s the brain’s way of helping us cope when life feels too much. You kind of “unplug” from how you feel, just to get through the day, and honestly, I think that’s true for so many of us.

We’ve Stopped Feeling

Everyone’s day-to-day life feels so full-on now. We’re always “on.” It feels like everyone I know is overwhelmed. Technology’s evolved, the world’s evolved, but our nervous systems haven’t.

We’re still wired like ancient humans, built for rest and connection, but we live in constant overdrive, and somewhere along the way, we’ve stopped feeling.

We don’t have time to stop and check in with how we actually feel, so we just push through. (I find this quite ironic, because somehow, I always try to make time to check in on how other people are feeling, so why wouldn’t I do this for myself.) We make decisions based on what makes logical sense instead of what feels right. We stay in jobs that drain us. We don’t set boundaries. We overwork. We settle. And for what?

We tell ourselves it’s all to be happy, but if we’re honest, half the time we don’t even know what happiness feels like anymore.

Happiness Used to Feel Like a Concept

For me, happiness used to feel like a checklist.

• Marriage — tick.
• Children — tick.
• Career — tick.

I had everything I thought I’d ever wanted, but I still didn’t feel happy. I think I was just surviving.

Through Unaggi, I learned how to make friends with my emotions again, even the ones I didn’t like. I used to think there were “good” and “bad” emotions, but now I know they’re all just information. They’re my body trying to tell me something.

When I started actually listening instead of pushing them away or ignoring them, I began to understand myself. Fear, frustration, sadness, they are all messages. They’re not bad, they’re just trying to help, to tell me something.

The more I allowed myself to feel the uncomfortable stuff, somehow the more space I made for the good stuff. The little moments like my kids laughing, a quiet cup of tea, space to hear my thoughts, or the sun on my face.

It’s not that life suddenly became perfect, it’s just that I stopped needing it to be.

From the GAP to the GAIN

Before Unaggi, I lived in what’s called “the GAP”. I constantly compared myself to others or to an ideal version of who I should be. Now, I live in the “GAIN”, at least I try to. I measure how far I’ve come, not how far I have left to go.

It sounds simple, but that mindset shift has genuinely changed my life. 

I started to look at what I’d achieved, to really see it, to let myself feel proud. I even found the courage to take a leap and after 12 years in the same company, I moved on. It was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done, and this time, I didn’t do it from fear. I did it from trust, trust in myself, but mostly in growth. The belief that even if it didn’t work out, it would still be a gain, I would have learnt something.

My husband used to call me “Negative Norris,” and to be fair, he wasn’t wrong. I used to prepare for the worst and assume failure before it happened. Now, my thinking has completely changed. When things feel uncertain, I remind myself:
“Well, if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay, because I’ve learned something. Most importantly, I’ve learnt that I can be that person that takes the big scary leaps and lives outside of their comfort zone.”

And that, to me, is growth.

The Mum Guilt, the Boundaries, and the Joy

For years, I lived with this constant mum guilt. It was always there, like a background hum I couldn’t switch off. Now, it’s almost silent.

I’ve learned to set boundaries, and focus on what really matters, my relationship with my kids. It matters far more than being perfect, than spending every minute with them, or following the latest parenting trend, or paying hundreds of pounds to do all the fun things other parents are doing.

They don’t need all that, they just need me. Present, calm and enjoying them. At least, most of the time 😆

To Quote My Current Favourite Obsession - Wicked

“I have been changed for good.”

I know, really cheesy, but hear me out.

I didn’t set out to change, I didn’t even know I needed to.

Who I am deep down hasn’t actually changed. I’ve just changed how I view myself, my emotions, and the world around me.

I’ve stopped living in the gap, I’ve stopped trying to prove my worth, and I’ve started to feel.

Now, happiness isn’t this big thing to chase, it’s already here. It’s in the little moments, the laughter, the pauses, and the pride. 

So, What Does Happiness Feel Like Now?

It feels like lightness, like floating on water, like breathing deeply. I feel in my body again, more grounded, calm, and alive.

It feels like me.